Friday, June 30, 2006

Tools for a neat little diagnosis: Are we getting that soon?

Almost every month or so, we will encounter a "new disease" or new "syndrome". Imagine you are a GP, harried and tired after hours of work.

In an attempt to simplify the process of diagnosis, researchers have attempted to come up with solutions, ie what questions can the GPs ask in order to diagnose?

Giving the GP a list of questions to ask, and telling him/her that if the patient answers "yes" to a certain number of questions, you can "diagnose" the patient of having a certain disease is very "helpful" to the GP!! That is a great "tool", isnt it? Cool!!!

You go to the doctor's office, the doctor ask you some questions, and then show you a chart;

Doc: Hey you have answers yes to x out of y questions, you most likely have disease Z.

With the huge logos of dissease Z's association, it looks and sounds authoritative.

Patient: Urgh, I have Disease Z?
Doc: Don't worry, they have a new drug which works very well for Disease Z. Why don't you give it a try?

Patient: OK! (relieved that there is name to some symptoms that he/she has been experiencing, and even more relieved that you could now pop pills to "cure" it!)

Errr, did I tell you who sponsored the research of such a tool? And did I tell you when they will sponsor the invention of such a tool?

Yes, despite your fogged out brains, you guess it correctly!

"They" will sponsor the research of these neat little "tools", or "questionnaires", when there is a "promising" compound in the pipeline.

Improving diagnosis methods ---->>>Increase RATE of diagnosis---->>>> Increase number of PATIENTS--->>>Increase number of drugs presribe-->>>Increase sales --->>> Increased Profits!!!

Well, we fibromites can only get jealous with those RLS people, cos they have a drug "successfully" developed for it, and get all these associated benefits. Till the, just hang on, and think of the even more unfortunate millions who die of malaria every year.

FYI: Malaria is a poor man's disease, and there is "no cure". Why no cure??? Well, you know the answer. They have no money to buy the "cure", even if there is one. So, how much funding are the drug companies dedicating to this area of research? WE fibromites have it better, cos most of us have "governments" who are rich enough to pay for a "cure", and they will start paying once they get sick of the "sick benefits".

Alexander Technique lessons, what if you can't afford?

I think Alexander Technique has helped my fibromyalgia.
And I really hope others will get a go at it. However, lessons are so expensive, and you need quite a number of lessons before correcting yourself properly!

Is it possible to not go for lessons and learn from videos or books?
I think that would be tough, expecially for those muscles and positions that are really bad. I think it is helpful to have someone guide you.

But what if, like many of us,(me included) we are jobless and broke?
We got to start somewhere. Even if we go for lessons, probably we need to learn "fast", as we dont have that kind of money to go for 20 sessions or 40 sessions!

What would help the student to learn Alexander Technique??

I think reading the relevant books help. While arranging a stack of books in the charity shop I am volunteering, I came across and old copy of "The Alexander Principle " by Wilfred Barlow. (Amazon Link)



It has words, words and more words, but I still bought it.

Last few nights, I began to really read it, and started to link what I am taught during lessons and the principles behind it.

Wilfred Barlow is a medical doctor by training, (and from Oxford !!!), so don't expect glossy, "reader friendly" stuff. The approach to this book is a little clinical, ie dry. I could barely go through more than 10 pages at a go(that is for someone who gobble up whole novels at one sitting). It reminds me abit of my student days, mugging my anatomy and physiology books. But somehow, I went on reading it, because it the examples and information is so relevant!!!

The charts and diagrams in the book points out obviously the difference between correct use, and misuse of the body. I also like illustrations on the problems with diagrams of the relevant muscles, as it helps me to visualise acurately which muscle had gone wrong and pay attention to it.

I suggest people reading it before starting lessons, as you will learn more quickly that way. Lessons are not cheap if you need to pay. Or just read it to find out if we are really misusing or bodies. Get someone to take your photos and compare with what you see in the books. May be that is a cheaper way to get something off, before proceeding to lessons.


P/S: Try to get from your local library- My local library has a copy. Or check out Amazon. If you are buying from Amazon, please do consider clicking my link above, as I will get a 5% commission from it, which would help me pay the bills. Thanks!

Related posts:
Make sure the Bra fits!
Alexander Technique-new hope for my fibromyalgia
Alexander technique- feeling benefits after one lesson?

Alexander Technique-second lesson

My limpy fibro progress-My 3rd Alexander Technique lesson

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

What works for my FIBROMYALGIA.. so far?


Things that make me feel good?
1) Avoid beef and red meat like hell
2)MASSAGE, especially Tui Na or acupressure
3)Alexander Technique lessons and "practice" at home
4)Stretching!
5) SLEEP
6) Take lots of fish and omega 3 oils, antioxidants when it flares
7) Ginseng and Gingko (for my brain fogs and speech slurs)
8) Muscle rubs-esp Tiger Muscle rub or Tiger Balm (Got to ask around to get it, or get someone to buy back boxed when they go to Asian countries!)
9) Hot bath! (with Lavender essential oil)
10) NSAIDS...

Amitriptyline ease a lot of the pains, but I am so fatigued and knock out by it that I will end up able to do nothing but sleeping. I try to stay away from it.


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Alexander Technique- 10th lesson done!

I have finished the 10th Alexander Technique lesson. 2 more lessons to go, before I have to start paying, if I want to continue.

Last lesson, I was taught to concentrate on my breathing when lying down to release the muscle tensions. It was a little like meditation, the teacher said, and not exactly AT. That seems to help... but I can't seem to do it on my own at home! I guess I am the impatient type, always thinking of something else to do. But this is also the issue that I need to keep in check, as I think this sort of attitude will just exacerbate my fibro!

Suprise, suprise, I found myself able to hold myself better in the position that is halfway between sitting and standing. We are supposed to do that, is PAUSE while doing something to check ourselves and allow a chance for all the MISuse and bad habits to undo. This time, I found myself less shaky (despite a mild, ongoing flare!), my knees a lot less painful! I think I am beginning to use the correct muscles!

I think since starting the lessons, I am less tired afters activities like shopping, standing for a long time etc. Before that an hour or two of standing/walking will produce muscle cramps and I would be so fatigued, yet not able to sleep well at night because of the pain.

I have started reading a book for Alexander Technique, I think it helps me to understand and learn faster. I will write more about it another day. I guess it is pre-lunch time now, and I am so so tired. Keep on typing tried tried tried for tired. welll.. that is a sign of snooze time.

Some other Related posts:
Make sure the Bra fits!(THE "lesson" from my 4th lesson)
Alexander Technique-new HOPE for my fibromyalgia
Alexander technique- feeling benefits after one lesson?
Alexander Technique-2nd lesson

My limpy fibro progress-My 3rd Alexander Technique lesson

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Tools for a neat little diagnosis: Are we getting that soon?

Almost every month or so, we will encounter a "new disease" or new "syndrome". Imagine you are a GP, harried and tired after hours of work.

In an attempt to simplify the process of diagnosis, researchers have attempted to come up with solutions, ie what questions can the GPs ask in order to diagnose?

Giving the GP a list of questions to ask, and telling him/her that if the patient answers "yes" to a certain number of questions, you can "diagnose" the patient of having a certain disease is very "helpful" to the GP!! That is a great "tool", isnt it? Cool!!!

You go to the doctor's office, the doctor ask you some questions, and then show you a chart;

Doc: Hey you have answers yes to x out of y questions, you most likely have disease Z.

With the huge logos of dissease Z's association, it looks and sounds authoritative.

Patient: Urgh, I have Disease Z?
Doc: Don't worry, they have a new drug which works very well for Disease Z. Why don't you give it a try?

Patient: OK! (relieved that there is name to some symptoms that he/she has been experiencing, and even more relieved that you could now pop pills to "cure" it!)

Errr, did I tell you who sponsored the research of such a tool? And did I tell you when they will sponsor the invention of such a tool?

Yes, despite your fogged out brains, you guess it correctly!

"They" will sponsor the research of these neat little "tools", or "questionnaires", when there is a "promising" compound in the pipeline.

Improving diagnosis methods ---->>>Increase RATE of diagnosis---->>>> Increase number of PATIENTS--->>>Increase number of drugs presribe-->>>Increase sales --->>> Increased Profits!!!

Well, we fibromites can only get jealous with those RLS people, cos they have a drug "successfully" developed for it, and get all these associated benefits. Till the, just hang on, and think of the even more unfortunate millions who die of malaria every year.

FYI: Malaria is a poor man's disease, and there is "no cure". Why no cure??? Well, you know the answer. They have no money to buy the "cure", even if there is one. So, how much funding are the drug companies dedicating to this area of research? WE fibromites have it better, cos most of us have "governments" who are rich enough to pay for a "cure", and they will start paying once they get sick of the "sick benefits".

The danger of misdiagnosis : A Single Question can diagnose Restless Leg Syndome ??

A single question to diagnose a condition? Wow, that is magical!!!

'The question, developed by the International RLS Study Group on the basis of standard diagnostic criteria, is:

"When you try to relax in the evening or sleep at night, do you ever have unpleasant, restless feelings in your legs that can be relieved by walking or movement?" '

"Unpleasant, restless": these words are so subjective, and its interpretation would vary across cultures. The Italians seems to have better acuracy in diagnosing it.

Are there any single questions to diagnose the PAIN, FATIGUE, fogginess that we experience?
Nope.

No easy diagnosis, no easy prescribing, bad market for drugs.

Bad market for drugs, less money to develop drug, no funding to improve diagnosis methods.

Till then , we got to count on ourselves.

Original article at:
SLEEP: Single Question Aids Restless Leg Diagnosis - CME Teaching Brief - MedPage Today: "International RLS Study Group"

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Just what is needed to stay off chocholates! Salmonella!

Cadbury: 53 suspicious cases - Sunday Times - Times Online

They knew it was contaminated in January and now it is July!!!

Ewwww.. I took 2 of the Easter Eggs which is supposed to be withdrawn.

Did I have a diarrhoea? I might had, and might had just put it to another episode of IBS.

I lose my chocholate cravings!!!

However, microbiological experts and official agencies said high levels of fat and sugar in chocolate made it an ideal vehicle for preserving salmonella and carrying it into the intestine. This meant that serious illness could be caused by what appeared to be mere trace levels of the bacterium.

The Food Standards Agency (FSA), the government’s watchdog, said: “Salmonella is unacceptable at any level and we would have expected Cadbury to have notified us far earlier than they did on finding this bacterium in their products.”

The contamination was first detected in January in chocolate at the company’s Marlbrook plant in Herefordshire. The plant produces nearly 100,000 tonnes of chocolate crumb a year, which is sent to other factories to be mixed with cocoa butter and made into chocolate products.




Thursday, June 22, 2006

My own FIBRO-FOG T shirts and stickers!





I "opened shop" in Cafepress, cos I thought I need a T-shirt that says "ME!!"

I am fed up with warning my husband that I have a foggy day, and so don't bug me about where is the book, where is the toilet paper, where are the stamps, what happened to that bag of spagetti (not possible that I was foggy enough to eat it and then forgot about it?).

I decide to do a T-SHIRT and a stickers that basically tell him to get lost, dont ask me questions. I am foggy. Period.

If I have a car, I would stick in on my bumper... it is a foggy day, dont say I did not warn you!

I got this done from Cafepress. Quite cool.




If doctors are murdered, you know why......

I went to see the GP that day, running out of medicines, and hoping to get prescriptions for those heating rubs, and NSAID gels, and also something to help with my pain/cramps that got worse during the past few days because of my RA flare.

I told the locum doc I needed something to tie me over the post RA flare period, as the pain and cramps are very disruptive. I already have Alexander Technique lessons which seemed to help, but when the flare is there, everything cramp up.

The doctor (not my regular one) insisted that I go for acupunture, when what I asked for were:

  • Celebrex or naproxen (which seems to give me less stomach irritation if celebrex is unavailable)
  • NSAID gel - which I use when flares are better, it enables me to stop oral NSAID sooner
  • heating rubs- great to kick start those stiff joints in the mornings
  • Another medicine for those neuropathy like pains and cramps, as amitryptiline works, but the side effects was too much for me
He did not give me anything that I requested. Reasons?
  1. Diclofenac is shown to be milder than naproxen on the stomach. I would be fine with EC diclofenac. (Yeah, studies show slight advantages, but then again, studies also show that sensitivity is quite an individual thing. EC gives you some marginal protection of stomach irritation, that is all! EC diclofenac is fine, but why insist on changing my prescription when I say it works best for me??? I have been using NSAIDS for more than 10 years!)
  2. "Some rheumatologists" have told him that NSAID gels will make stomach symptoms worse when taken with NSAIDS. (stupid guy, I use it to cut down NSAIDs use, when the symptoms are subsiding and the gel is enough to stop one joint or two from giving me problems. Overall, used in the right way, I cut down stomach problems!)
  3. Most heating gels contain salicylates (fine, that is true, but it works damn well in the cold mornings!! So, what is the GREAT danger? Stomach problems again?)
  4. If amytriptiline does not work for me, nothing does. No point trying other stuff, go for acupunture. (That was plain bull shit!!! I corrected him that it did work, but the side effects were too much! He could have try starting me on others like neurontin, prebagalin or even other medicines from the amytriptiline's class!!)

Despite my pleas that I had try acupunture before, and did not find great benefit, acupunture will take a few session to fully work, and I got to queue for a date to see the acupunturist (which will take more than 1 month, at least!!!), I did not get what I needed.

Guess what he gave me?
  1. Diclofenac EC: That was fine, I need an NSAID anyway, but I also need other stuff!!!!
  2. Menthol gel 2%-Deep Freeze!!
  3. Advise to see an acupunturist.
I was just too tired that day to argue with him. I felt like yelling at him
"My joints are already *stiff and frozenP, I dont need DEEP FREEZE!!!"

When I got home, I decided to try the Deep Freeze, anyway, since this very self-confident doc insisted it is good for me. It did not work for me!!!! I need heating rubs, heat pads! That works!

And the acupunture? I got to wait. They will get back to me again.

Meanwhile, I got to go to the pharmacy, and buy my own DEEP HEAT.&*&@$"&^ I am already damn broke, and trying to raise money for my PhD examination fees!

Heat, my dear doc, not FREEZE.

What happens to the deep freeze gel? It is nice to apply after shaving (great for hubby).

And my cramps? I just got to bear with it, and visit again when my regular doc comes back.

Could doctors please listen to patients?

Well, I guess he is not that bad, that young doctor has been following the news (about acupunture), and try to practise "evidence based medicine, EBM".

But if evidence is different from what an INDIVIDUAL patient experiences, which should be prioritized?

And remember evidence based medicine is based on statistics, which shows what works for most people, and what is most likely to work , not what works for everyone!!

Anyway, that Mayo clinic study about acupunture which could had influence his decisions had a sample size of 50 patients. My treatment should not be dictated by the fate of the twenty something patients given acupunture for a few weeks. (what happens to them after that???)

Get it??? If you still don't get it, it is fine. I can give you a talk about evidence based medicine. I still have some old slides, from the good old days where I used to work, and gave these talks.

Read the full paper, doc, not just the headlines.

If you want to read more about how we struggle with the docs and the medical system, look at LINZ's scary experience

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Acupuncture shows promise for fibromyalgia ??

...or so the study in Mayo clinic shows...CNN reported ( Acupuncture shows promise for fibromyalgia - Jun 16, 2006)

Overall, the fibromyalgia patients who underwent the real treatment showed a significantly greater improvement in their symptoms than placebo recipients did -- particularly when it came to fatigue and anxiety, Dr. David P. Martin and his colleagues report in the journal Mayo Clinic Proceedings.

It seems Fatigue and anxiety responds best to the treatment.

Fifty fibromyalgia patients were randomly assigned to acupuncture or to a "placebo" version of the therapy, where a dull surgical instrument was pressed against the skin rather than acupuncture needles.

The subjects were positioned so they could not see which treatment they received. All but one subject was female.

The patients underwent six treatment sessions over two to three weeks. None of the patients had been treated with acupuncture before.

Well, that is a sexy treatment, isnt it? Six treatment, over two to three weeks. Having tried acupunture before for my IBS, I know it works!!! The question is how long will the effect last???

Was these news articles the cause of my unhappy visit to the GP?

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Cherry Juice May Cut Muscle Pain


Cherry Juice May Cut Muscle Pain!

or so a report says in the British Journal of Sports medicine.

Before you run down to the health food store and part with those precious pennies, note that it was done in only 14 students, and the authors owns a share of the companies which produce the juice.

Meanwhile, pop more of those TART cherries!!

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SHAKE IT OFF- Learn from that Donkey!

This is just one of the hundred of "forwarded" emails I have received. I got it in 2003, and it is still in my Inbox, reminding me that I should be better than a donkey.

Here it goes.........

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later,the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw.

With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!

Life's too short to moan over the + DIRT +!! SHAKE IT OFF!!





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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

MY LOVELY BONES

Decide to show the world my lovely photos of The LOVELY BONES.


Nah, this is not linked to the Lovely Bones by Sebold.

These are MY LOVELY BONES!

Not only they are lovely, they are MUSICAL and they can CRACK UP any tense moments with their beautiful, and moving crackling sounds. And yeah, it is always impromptu, no stage frights whatsoever. They crack anytime! And they are "chubby", cute and always warm! If you press them with a thumb, they will change colour from pinkish to whitish and then to pinkish again! Magical, isnt it?



Hey medical students and those dumbs docs, this is a swollen hand, and swollen feet, ok??Notice the flesh coming out from the sides. It is NOT because I am fat. Stop sniggering. NOtice the smooth surfaces and touch/press with those fingers of yours! It is warm!




Oh, did I mention that most doctors will not even touch those fingers before saying "it looks alright"????

My darned 2 toes! 6th and 7th Alexander technique lessons

The past few days, my husband had been complaining that I use him as a bolster! Hahaha!!!! My legs have been clinging on to him, (argh, not that type) It is just that RA flares again, and it is not comfortable to sleep!!!! Somehow, my legs must have found out that if I raise my legs, it will be more comfy/less painful or swollen, and rested on him! My toes in particular, must have taken a liking to him.

Alright, I know that I should not be complaining. It is just two toes (that are obvious)!

This time, my fingers are swollen, but not too bad, can still type after NSAIDS. But my first toe(s) [ok, I should be grateful that it is not both big toes, that would be real hell] annoys me like hell.

When I walk, I got to be careful not to put too much pressure on it, and not to kick into stuff around the house. When I go out, I will look or for potential "toe steppers". And when I sleep, I will stick my feet out of the comforter (cos the weight make my toes uncomfortable), and I guess that is how they found their way to my hubby!

I did my 6th and 7th Alexander Technique lesson, and it was just too difficult to "release" and follow instructions when my muscles all tensing up to support my joints. Those two toes in particular, always refuse to touch the floor, and help me to stand/sit properly!


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Fog proof eating: Caramelised bananas!

There is so much talk in the FMS/CFS boards about bananas!

Here are some reasons why this fruit is a favourite:

  • Provide energy!
  • High potassium and magnesium content
  • Easy to chew (for those too painful to eat times)
  • Easily digested (when IBS join my FMS and RA party)
  • Many ways to eat, and all of them easy

I have been happily feeding myself bananas this week, and when I crave a sweet snack, I cook it! Cooking it makes it much sweeter, without adding the calories. These caramelised bananas taste yummy on pancakes/crepes, and when stored in the fridge, a nice cold dessert!

  1. Peel 1-2 bananas (those really ripe ones are the best!)
  2. Cut into ½ inch thick pieces
  3. Coat a non-stick pan with a thin layer of oil/butter (use a kitchen towel to wipe off extras)
  4. Dump bananas into the pan (use medium fire)
  5. *Turn bananas after 1-2 minutes, when you see brown coloured caramel coming out
  6. *Cook for further 1-2 minutes.
  7. Add a pinch of cinnamon powder, and a dash of vanilla essence (optional!

*sprinkle some water if pan gets too hot!

I am too lazy to wash pans, so I will just add some water and detergent to the pan when it is still hot, and leave it cooking for a while on the stove. By the time i finish eating my bananas, the pan just need a gentle wipe with a sponge, to remove anything that sticks there, and then rinse off!! I then dump everything into the oven (see Energy saving tricks- drying the dishes)!Technorati Tags:

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Saturday, June 17, 2006

How to find strength to go to work? With the help of a song, perhaps.

I Have Confidence, sung by good old Maria in the Alps, on her way to the first day of work.

I used to listen to this too, blasting in in my MP3 player, while I was in the train, while I was walking to the office. The song gave me strength!


I Have Confidence
What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared

A captain with seven children
What's so fearsome about that?

Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack

The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them
I'll show me

So, let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me

Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children (Heaven bless them!)
They will look up to me

And mind me with each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me

I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me

Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!

It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)

I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!

These lyrics mean a lot to me, especially those highlighted lines, those lyrics in blue would be playing in my head, while I dragged myself out of bed

I used to listen to this song before presentations and "grillings" in school or work. I no longer have the confidence that the "world will all be mine" have the "strength that lies innights of peaceful slumber", but I have confidence that "spring" will come again.

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Friday, June 16, 2006

Dark Soy Sauce Healthier Than Red Wine

Dark Soy Sauce Healthier Than Red Wine!

Scientists found that the sauce—derived from fermented soybeans—contains antioxidant properties about 10 times more effective than red wine and 150 times more potent than vitamin C..

Ages ago when old wives tales stopped anyone with a wound to take soy sauce (the belief was it would colour the scar formed black), I chose to take mine!

That defiance seems to pay off. I have no chicken pox scars. They scars healed so quickly. Now we know why.

Time to grab that bottle of humble soy sauce and more excuses for chinese take aways!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Words can kill......

Hubby: Why are you suddenly tired again?

Me: Because I think I am coming up with another flare

H :Again?

Me: Yeah

H: Can’t you just go out with me and book the tickets? It is very troublesome to do it for you? Why cant you do it yourself?

Me: I am too tired to get out! If I get out today, tomorrow I will be in bed the whole day, or even worse, I will be in bed for many days!

H: You are always like that. Can’t you just do this?

Me: (silent, no energy to reply)


These kinds of conversations irked me. Makes me sad, and always drive me into depression, and make me lose confidence of ever able to hold a job again. It devastated me!

He is my beloved husband, he sees me everyday, and yet he thinks that my fatigue is a matter of weather I can pull myself together and go out for a few hours.

Can’t he understand that I can’t means I can’t??

It is NOT ABLE to do something, not that I DON'T WANT to do something

If it is the kind of tiredness that I can summon my wills and pull through, it wouldn’t be an illness to me anymore.

If he can’t understand this, how can I expect others to understand? How can I cope with going back to work?

Doesn't he realise by now these type of conversations always drive me to depression?

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Dear Old Prof

The din of the coffee break is not there anymore,

The delegates disappeared

Back to that lecture or conference, whatever

To listen to the latest

Opinions, findings, results

And debate about it

And this old man,

Hair all grey

Spidery veins crawling on his delicate hands

That pair of hands

That pair of hands, That must have

Written many a great scholarly papers,

Corrected many rubbish-ish or distinguished papers

Scrawled many blackboards

In this well known centre

Oh, did I tell you, his photo seems to be on the wall?

Great achievements of so and so

Great contribution of so and so

Professors spoke to him in a revered manner

During that coffee break

But now the break is over,

Prof is here alone

Dozing off

His hand delicately hanging on to that walking stick

I felt like asking him

“Prof, which came first?

Age or illness?”

I hope that age came first

For illness before age,

Is like vomiting before you eat

After which, food is tasteless

Or you don’t even get to eat.


IN: Intermittent explosive disorder OUT: flacid penises

Another new disease is coming to town! Look at what is said about "bad tempers" these days. Oh yeah, bad temper is now know as "Intermittent explosive disorder".

Take a look at it, lots of us seems to fit in, and it is time for another pill!

Road rage. Domestic abuse. Angry outbursts or temper tantrums that involve throwing or breaking objects. Sometimes such erratic eruptions can be caused by a condition known as intermittent explosive disorder.

Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) is characterized by repeated episodes of aggressive, violent behavior that are grossly out of proportion to the situation. And, according to a June 2006 study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health, intermittent explosive disorder is more common than once thought. Intermittent explosive disorder occurs most often in young men and may affect as many as 7.3 percent of adults in the United States.

If you jump on to the "treatment" section of the articles, you will see that if you have bad tempers, it is time for another pill, another "mood regulating" pill!

Now I see where the growth in the pharma industry is coming from: road rages. Flacid penises are so out of date!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

What a wonderful (bad) day

I sleep badly, woke up a few times in the night to grab a snack because of that grumbling stomach, thanks to those NSAIDS.

I did not feel like eating, but still ate some sausages and some oatmeal, as I have to do my volunteer work later. I have been given an important task today, which made me feel so happy, and responsible again. At the same time, I am afraid the flare will go out of hand, spoiling everything!

Before I even finished washing my plate, I ran to the toilet, puked!

That was a great, uncontrollable puke. GROSS. The water from the toilet bowl hit my face, as the contents of my stomach went it, projectile motion style.

My basic physiology lessons taught me that this got to be poisoning or some neural mediated vomiting, the dramatic projectile vomiting.

So now the big question is, should I step out of the door? I still feel like puking. Will my vomit hit one of those nice cars on the street?

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Fibro and RA is in town!

Yeah, fibro and RA is in town.

Oh, what an upheaval it creates.

Appointments need to be cancelled, rearranged.

Plans need to change.

Menus got to change.

And thank goodness, I am not working, otherwise, I will have to get sick leave!

The weather is not hot today, thank goodness, but my body is on fire with teh inflammation cocktail.

And humans are weird, aren't we?

Despite the pain, I wanted to blog. It take a lot of self love to force yourself to rest, in the name of self preservation, in the midst of being called crazy, lazy .. whatever.



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Sunday, June 11, 2006

Words can kill.

Hubby: Why are you suddenly tired again?

Me: Because I think I am coming up with another flare

H :Again?

Me: Yeah

H: Can’t you just go out with me and book the tickets? It is very troublesome to do it for you? Why cant you do it yourself?

Me: I am too tired to get out! If I get out today, tomorrow I will be in bed the whole day, or even worse, I will be in bed for many days!

H: You are always like that. Can’t you just do this?

Me: (silent, no energy to reply)

These kinds of conversations irked me. Makes me sad, and always drive me to depression, and lose confidence of ever able to hold a job again. It devastated me!

He is my beloved husband, he sees me everyday, and yet he thinks that my fatigue is a matter of I can pull myself together and got out for a few hours.

Can’t he understand that I can’t means I can’t??

If it is the kind of tiredness that I can summon my wills and pull through, it wouldn’t be an illness to me anymore.

If he can’t understand this, how can I expect others to understand? How can I cope with going back to work?

Doesnt he realise by now these type of conversations always drive me to depression?

Fibro is winning at the moment!


The beauty of fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis is just when you think you gain the upper hand, the diseases rear its head again.

  • Was it the small piece of beef in the bite of Subway sandwich I took?
  • Was it the stress of finishing the thesis and looking for a job?
  • Was it the heat of a summer afternoon?
  • Did I take a walk that was too long?

Whatever it was, it resulted in me feeling fatigued, aching all over, warm and not able to focus on anything. I just feel like on the verge of a big fever/flu.

And the frustration of all these? My husband still can’t see why I am so fatigued! He thinks that it is the usual Sunday morning feeling of not wanting to get out of bed. The truth is I am desperate to get up and get things done!

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Saturday, June 10, 2006

Make sure the BRA fits!

After my 4th Alexander Technique lesson, I noticed how strain my neck and upper back muscles were always are. I had always thought the culprit was my laptop. However, in these lessons, you have the luxury to stand for 15 minutes or so, thinking and doing nothing except being aware of your body. I begin to suspect my breasts might be a problem, as the strain was still there while I was standing, and the "heaviness" was there.

By then I learned to be quite "aware" of my body positions, and always felt a certain tightness around my neck, no matter how I "release" it! I am a little too embarassed to ask the AT teacher about my "assets", but decided to check out some new bras, since the bras I have are more than 1-year-old, at least.

I decided to get a new bra, and get a proper fitiing!!

Fitting my bra was tough.

Most women have asymmetrical breasts, and recent studies have pointed out that the more asymetrical your breasts are, the higher risk you have of getting breast cancer!!

Mine was REALLY asymetric! I have only used a professional bra-fitter once; for my wedding dress, and was very embrassed about it. But this time, I knew I needed help!

To my suprise, thanks to the weight gain, I am not a 38D! WOW! I thought! 38D is just what you need to get more backaches and neck aches!

Having to stare at myself at the mirror for 1/2 hour and having problems with bras fitting both breasts properly made me realised that my right breast is much smaller than the left one, and guess what;

My right arm is always in a more " forward" position than the left one, and impinging/indenting/whatever on my right breast.

In other words, maybe my right breast did not have as much space to "grow" as the left one! My shoulders were not "open" enough!

Lots of women may have that problem, the arms, the asymmetry. These could have been aggravated as we pile on more weight after getting these niceties like rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. Maybe, part of fibromyalgia treatment should include a bra-fitting session!

Related posts:
Alexander technique, a new hope for my fibromyalgia
Alexander Technique- feeling benefits after one lesson?
Alexander Technique-second lesson
Make sure the Bra fits!
Alexander Technique;4th and 5th lesson


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Friday, June 09, 2006

Stretching really seems to help with my fibromyalgia!!!

Sometime ago, I started my own “STRETCHING program”. (Stretching works for my fibromyalgia, I think....)

Since then I have been stretching, stretching and stretching whenever I can.

The results?

Combined with Alexander technique, I have not needed any massage so far! More than one month had passed without it.

Other noticeable benefits:

* Less lumpy knots on my thighs, hands, calves and shoulders

* Less waking up a night with pain!

* As the result of waking up less, I sleep better and feel more energetic!

* Bigger ranger of movements. I can stretch over a longer period, and push myself more before the pains starts.

I am very happy with these improvements, and just hope that I could do something similar for the knots on my abdomens- lots of them!! Unless you are a fibromite, it is difficult for you to imagine taut muscular bands on your tummy which are so hard and painful that I went for scans to ensure that those are not something more nasty like tumours.


Related post;

I found a good fibromyalgia book (finally!)


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Thursday, June 08, 2006

My blogging GOALs:

Written in conjuction of World Cup 2006 and Darren's group blogging efforts.


Preface: In contrast to other bloggers who could post a picture of themselves on their blog and openly share their profile as a sign of honestly and sincerity in the way they blog, I have to keep my identity a secret.

I keep this blog a secret. None of my family members know that I have such a blog. This allows be to express my feelings and thoughts honestly.

I come from a society where the prejudice against fibromyalgia in my work circles, my friends and even my own family members do not allow me to “come clean” about it. If I ever need to go back to work, and lead a “normal” life again, my identity can’t be revealed. It is through hiding this identity that I can write honestly, openly, and sometimes angrily about my fibromyalgia and my life.

Here are the reasons; why I blog!

1. Honestly, I just need some breathing space, to air my private thoughts and emotions. My fibromyalgia has affected my whole family so badly, and crumbled their “pillar of strength” ie Me. I still need to appear strong!

2. I want others to know that there is still life after fibromyalgia! I hope that by honestly sharing my experience, it helps people who are newly diagnosed, or still left in the limbo by their physicians. The diagnosis can be very devastating, and knowing that there are other people who can life a happy meaningful life despite fibromyalgia gives you strength!

3. I also hope to get these messages out to the world:

  • FIBROMYALGIA is REAL!!! (Doctors and health care professionals take note!) Here am I, one of your own kind being struck by it. Stop being sceptical, and start listening to your patients! If you don’t know much about it, it is OK! You would help a lot by being supportive.
  • With time, it is possible to learn new ways to cope and function as a normal person again. We just need time to learn how to, and your love and support to find strength to carry on!
  • Enable us, by understanding our condition and give us some rooms to utilise some strategies we learn! Many fibromyalgia sufferers are hard workers (in fact some think that the A types get it!). We will try our best if given a chance. After a period of adjusting this new fibromyalgia status, we are able to work, and function normally.
  • 4. I want to archive and share my experience and information that I have about fibromyalgia with others. When you have fibromyalgia, you won’t have the energy to research. So it is important to share! When I visit message boards, I sometimes feel incensed about the stuff that other fibromites have been told (perhaps by people who have a vested interest on something else?).

    5. I hope that I can earn some pennies from the advertisements in this blog. When I started blogging and saw a few cents coming through the adverts, I was SOOOOO happy. I was so happy, as I thought “Hey, this is literally a penny for my thoughts”. You might wonder what was so special about it. Well, it was special, as I was jobless, with school fees and heaps of medical fees to pay. That HOPE sustained me through the first two months, after which my passion to blog just for blogging’s sake has taken over.

    6. One day when I emerge at the other side of the tunnel, it will be a story of my victory against fibromyalgia. Although this is an uphill battle, but I hope that one day I could say “It is not easy having fibro, it is tough, but I have emerged from it stronger than ever. BTW, I kept a blog, and you can read all about it, an honest account of my life with fibromyalgia”. Nice thought, huh? It is important to have hope.

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    Why I blog?? (despite having little precious energy?)

    Somewhere last year, in between my snoozes and feeble attempt to do data analysis and write-ups for my PhD thesis, I chanced upon Darren’s website at ProBlogger. It was like “WOW! What is this thing called “blogging”? You can earn from it?”

    The last part was a kind of tipping point for me to bring my thoughts online. I thought, if I can put down what I scribble on pieces of paper online, and earn some pennies from it, why not? Moreover, this is a good way to archive my thoughts and information!

    That was a tough time for me. I was trying to cope the tag of “possible diagnosis” of fibromyalgia.Seemed like I lost everything to this disease. On those days where my fibromyalgia and arthritis was kind enough to let me have some spare energy, I turned to the web. At first I was looking for hard facts, clinical information to help myself, upon realising the local doctors were not familiar with the condition. Most people (I mean doctors, and other health care professional), look upon it as another psychological problem, as psychosomatic problem.

    There was not much information for the “evidence based medicine” (EBM) approach which I have been trained to use, and the “evidence” were sparse, most of it were expert opinions, and these opinions were frequently contradictory, and non-conclusive!

    After a month or so of feeling very helpless and hopeless, I began to look for blogs of ordinary people, “normal” people like me who has fibromyalgia. I was looking for an affirmation that life could still go on. There is still life despite having fibromyalgia!

    There were not that many “fibro-blogs” at that time, and most have infrequent postings (a testimony about their owner’s inconsistent energy??) and a few were commercialised, that it felt more like a commercial entity than a private blog. Perhaps that is the victim of success. However, it is those postings on these hard to come by fibro blogs that made an impact in me, giving me a glimpse of how they cope, and reassuring me that life goes on.

    I began talking about the fibromyalgia in a blog which was meant for my PhD related stuff, and very soon, the blog reflected the reality: The fibromyalgia has overtaken my PhD trek as the centre of my life.

    Somewhere end of last year, I renamed my blog as the River is wide... This is the how I hope to reach out to others and in a way, Pay it forward.

    You can find out more specifically them here: My blogging GOALs

    Butter vs. margarine: Which is better for my heart? - MayoClinic.com

    Butter vs. margarine: Which is better for my heart?: "Butter vs. margarine: Which is better for my heart?"

    I have been switching to using mainly butter, after reading up about transfat years ago in a chemistry lesson.

    Ten years on, the debate is still ongoing. To me this is a stale debate, often fueled and lubricated by speakers and opinion leaders greased with "speaker's fees" and "research funding" of the manufacturers.

    Unfortunately, being chronically inflammed people (CIP) {that is a new term I coined!!!} like us (RA, lupus, etc etc) are at higher risk of dropping dead from a heart attack and stroke, so we got to follow these debates.

    Butter or margarine?

    So, should I use margarine to spread on my bread and butter for high temperature cooking and baking?

    I am sticking to my butter, but might use a margarine to do the spreading!

    Wednesday, June 07, 2006

    A day of headache

    I have been doing lots of computer work, feeling the pressure of the approaching deadlines. Coupled with a short viral infection of my throat, my shoulders and neck are screaming in pain!

    I have been having this nagging headache for days.

    Does not wearing glasses or contact lenses worsen it? I put on my contact lenses, and at least the squinting decreases and I am able to maintain a more ergonomic posture with the laptop.

    I am dying for

    1) a new pair of titanium glass (light weight, allergy free)

    2) a massage!!!!!

    I wish I strike a lottery!

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