Monday, March 26, 2007

trying to forget

Sometimes, I try to forget that I have RA, I have fibro. Sometimes, for a couple of days in a stretch, or even a week or two, I can "forget" about these things-when I am extremely busy, and barely have extra energy to think about my health, to get bothered about the stiff hands in the morning, the achy ankle, the wobbly knees. I try to live with these discomfort, without really wanting to "notice" them. And sometimes I succeed, in trying to forget.

Almost two weeks whizzed by without me noticing. I sometimes surprise myself about how short my memory is getting, esp when it is about my RA. Perhaps it is a coping mechanism? I block off memories of days in bed?

No, it has not been all quiet in the past two weeks. I had swapped a day at work, because my bones were achy all over, I was too weak to "get up and go" in the morning. My bones have been actively fore-casting the weather. A day or two before they announced the cold snap was coming, I was already in bed, aching and cursing. When the cold snap came, I always felt hot and found the heating required by my hubby to me too much! Will they employ me as the weather woman?

And just now, I almost drowned. OK, that is an exaggeration. I had many mouthfuls of water and someone got to give me a hand until I find my footing. It was really scary. Really, really scary.

In movies, you always see people shout when they drown or struggle in the water. In reality, I don't think people always do. I was gasping for air, trying to "jump" up by pushing my feet against the floor the moment I sink. I was fighting for air. That is they only thinh I had on my mind. AIR.

The reason for this misadventure? One tiny little finger. One small joint-5th proximal metacarpal. That was the only painful joint when I swam, and yet, was only when I was in the water that did I realised that he other hand which was alright was also weak. My legs were useless. I could not exert much strength.

How do I try to forget? Not sure. I think I don't have to try. I will forget soon. This is not the first time I almost drowned.

No comments: