Friday, July 28, 2006

Swell day

What a swell day. This morning I did not get up despite the alarm clock, despite the fact that I know I had to get up to get something important done.

I was “aware”, but not able to get up.

More than 2 hours passed in that state. Finally I got up. LATE.

My body was aching all over, hands swollen. My swollen feet “ouched” when I forced it to bear the weight of this 80 kg giant.


I was very angry with it coming at that time. Then I remember the good doc told me to catch my blood profiles during the flare.

What followed was frantic phone calls, going to one clinic after another and then finally taking blood, and getting an appointment to see my rheumatologist, at a reduced rate. The appointment is one month later, but at least I got my blood profile.

What a frantic day. To my classmate, she probably does not know what it is like. I talk to her, “like normal”. God knows how stressful it was. I was “fog checking” all the time, and pulling all my strength to carry on. At one time, I almost slipped and fell down the stairs.

To an outsider, I am normal. Ok, I am an overweight woman, who shuffles a little, probably due to the weight? Unless they shake hand with me, they would never notice that I have a special warmth about me. Yup. I am warm.

I am usally 36.5, and when I “flare” it goes up to 36.7 to 37.0. I never officially qualify for the typical mild fever. To begin with, I am colder than usual.

Should I be proud of myself? Yeap. I am very. I only took 2 cab trips. All others are by train and bus. In the train, I even gave up my seat to an elderly woman with a cane. I thought “young, “mild” arthritic giving up place to old, “severe” arthritic”. What is this world coming to? An old woman with a cane has to walk from coach to coach to find a seat. What happens when I become old? Is this the place where I should grow old? Horrible!

Monday, July 24, 2006


I have deep pent up anger.........

Before we moved, I spent days and nights packing our things. It was so triring, and triggered my fibro. Everybox was sealed and labeled before sent to my MIL's home for storage.

Yesterday, I realised that she opened up every single box to "repack"!!!! My diary appeared on top on the box. Great. So ,my diary became a public property, huh?? I almost felt like screaming to her!!!

Looks like one of these days i got to go and "rearrage" the things, and bring them all with me. Either that or i will have every single one destroyed. Period.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

a sign of needed confidence boost... taking an IQ test

I took an IQ test, and it says that I am a "facts curator". My IQ was supposed to be 138. Is that a lot or very little? They dont tell me which percentile of the population I belong to. So, does that mean I am smart or dum.

Other "facts curator" include Bill Gates. Hmmmm. But I supposed you have "facts curator" of different quality, dont you? Bill Gates is porbabaly a top class one.

Like a meticulous collector, you've fed your brain a unique set of facts and figures over the years and this makes you a Facts Curator. Whether or not you intend to absorb every piece of information that comes your way, your mind is a sponge for knowledge.

The words in your head could almost fill a dictionary, and you're equally adept at manipulating numbers and detecting important patterns in number sequence

Oh really??? Yeah, perhaps when I am not fogged.

Anyway, this is a new thing to do for FOG check, other than sudoku. GO and try for yourself- free IQ test!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

What works for my FIBROMYALGIA.. so far?

Things that make me feel good?
1) Avoid beef and red meat like hell
2)MASSAGE, especially Tui Na or acupressure
3)Alexander Technique lessons and "practice" at home
5) sleep
6) Takes lots of fish and omega 3 oils and also antioxidants when it flares
7)Ginseng and Gingko (for my brain fogs and speech slurs)
8)Muscle rubs
9) Hot bath!
10) NSAIDS...

Amitriptyline ease a lot of the pains, but I am so fatigued and knock out by it that I will end up able to do nothing but sleeping. I try to stay away from it.

Technorati Tags:

Monday, July 17, 2006


I am invited for an informal discussion with a potential employee, even though I have not submitted my application. Does that mean I am head hunted?

Hahah.. Well, i think they don't know I am a fibromite.. yet. Wait till I tell them tomorrow.

Hmmm... My CV does look impressive, other than those "gaps".I am sure they will ask about these.

Now I realise I have a problem. Did i get the second or the third place in the oratorial competition? I think I misplaced my testimonial. I want to ask hubby, but he is asleep in another time zone!!!

The first place went to the teacher's pet, and native speaker of language. He was very good too, and have made a mark in the artistic circles. I often see him in newspapers. Losing to him was an honour. Now, between winnie and me, who got second place?

NO idea. totally fogged. ALmost forgot that the discussion is tomorrow.

Hmmm... that might be an interesting discussion. Imagine me being foggy???

Heck whatever. I already have a job in hand. This is more for future jobs.

It is morning, and that means I got to get up early. Fingers have been having a "swell time" in the past few weeks.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Totally honest, yet Offered a job!!!

I am just offered a job.

It started with JOanne finding a job with a MNC, a very difficult to get position.
And then I thought, if Joanne could do it, so could I??? Joanne is younger and has a longer "list" than me, yet she managed, somehow. Wow. Maybe what the Chinese say is true, Heaven will not give man a deadend. Well, heck, just give it a try.

I had wanted to hide about my condition. But my experience tells me, no point doing so. If you get into a company who thinks that people like me are parasites, and wouldn't want to acknowledge my limitations and yet at the same time see my potential, I will go no where.

I need a boss, and a company who accepts me as I am, "lovely bone", foggy brains and all.

Yet, I was called up. They said they liked me!! Can you believe it?? They are willing to let me have a short contract for a try.

I liked my potential bosses too. My instinct told me that they are really really kind people, just like my thesis supervisor and my phd committee. With these people, I thrive.

Wish me luck. Please with me luck.

One up for fibromites.

And three cheers for people like my bosses. Heavens sent them to me, I believe.

But I should also let you know a little secret, seeking out these angels are hardwork. ANd I worked hard at it.

Things dont come easily for people like us. Just got to hang on, work hard, and if shit comes to you, think about that donkey!!

Friday, July 14, 2006

seeing friends, seeing flares

Having a chronic invisible diseases means that whenever someone has not seen you for a long time, they will tell you how good/bad you look, and ask you about THAT, what-is-it, RA or something that you have? Every meeting will start with a hello to the joints. Their well-being get asked about much more often than my husband.

Change of weather, and time zone means loss of sleep, ie flare city for me.

I am still adjusting, and a little to tired to type.

My mood is quite high though, i have a high chance of starting work in a job which is ideal for me.

What is the most important thing I did these last 7 days?

Educating a young, bring medical officer; my dear cousin. My cousin is one of those super-lucky people in the world. Identified as gifted since young, higher than average intelligence, born into a good, loving family, and pursuing her chosen profession. She is a young angel and I am just so proud of her.

HOwever, one thing worries me. Will she be able to emphatise with patients?

Her dad was a very popular doctor, and still is. what has changed is his style. More and more paternalistic as skill and confidence and reputation increase over the years. I am worried that my cousin would fall into the same trap.

So, I told her about my encounters with doctors. Some of them, she took some time to digest, and tried to defend her profession. ANyway, I just wanted to drill into her head about respecting patients, eventhough the patient is "isgnorant". The "ignorant" patients goes though the illness and the disease, and their experience deserve to be respected. As a doctor, you improve their life, what is important to them, and not what is important to you.

I am really drowsy now.
just hope that my message got through. Really hope that my cousin will be an angel of a doctor. She has a great heart. My only worry is she fails to understand patients. I just hope she would.

Thursday, July 06, 2006


tired. #

hand hurts.

hand as stucked in a Tube trap.

staff was in no hurry to help.

more pain now. bruised

more complains when less painful.