Tuesday, January 01, 2008

New Year, new me.

This year, I have not failed to wish people to have a happy and HEALTHY new year.

I have been telling myself not to wonder what 2008 will bring to me, but what I can do to make 2008 the best it can be for me. 2007 had been a mixed year. In 2007, I had met with such unbelievable kindness, and also saw the worse in human kind.

2007 ended in significant way for me, especially career wise.

I made a lot of progress career wise. After a one year break from work to recuperate, I went back to work part-time, and subsequently did well enough to be taken in as a permanent staff. My work hours increased. I received external recognition for my work.

I lost my job After making all the arrangements to work efficiently and helping to take the company to where it is within a year- this is the treatment I received.

Suddenly, I lost trust in human kind. I lost confidence in myself. While I could predict and cope 95% of the time, a flare at the wrong time was an excuse to kill me. While no one bat an eye lid for people who take a few days "sick leave" for flu. But resting 3 days (on "annual leave"!) because of my RA was "proof" of my incapability. The B****told me that with a bit of management, even unpredictable things can be made predictable. It is all a personality problem. It is all about my inability to self-manage.

I remember vividly driving home crying. Crying out of frustration? Injustice? Shock? I did not know why. Perhaps the shock needed to released somewhere. I remember opening this blog when I reached home. I have not written anything for months-I had been so busy. I had again, took on extra work because the B****had a health problem and needed rest and that perhaps contributed to my flare.

Reading this blog was the moment I reached home was therapeutic. And I was somehow relieved that I have stopped working. There were just too many signs of unhappiness. I have hanged on too long just because part-time jobs for my position are hard to find.

Finding a job will be daunting. The B**** threatened bad references. Will I walk out of this mess?? I don’t know how long it will take, but I will have to. I have gone through worse times when I saw no light which signifies the end of the tunnel when my health was in the pits.

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