Blueberry cake recipes

Tried a couple of methods to do blue berry cakes. I can summarise that there are two which are worth a go.

A) Bad Day Blueberry Cake recipe- when you could still do while you have little energy, with almost guaranteed achievement

B) Good Day Blueberry Cake recipe. Need a bit more work, but you could always cheap by getting an electric mixer.


Bad Day Blueberry Cake recipeIngredients

1. A pack of cake mix (plain or victoria)- these can be bought at supermarkets. From my experience, the more "basic the recipe", the better it is.
2. Blueberries- Exact amount depends on how much batter you get from the cake mix. I go by volume- add up 1/3 by volume.
3. Eggs, water, and sometimes cooking oil.

Directions

1. Follow directions on the cake mix batter
2. Add in blueberries
3. Bake according to instructions on cake mix batter.

Good Day Blueberry Cake recipe
Ingredients

2 Eggs, seperated
1 c Sugar
1/4 tsp Salt
1/2 c Shortening (I used 1/4 cup butter and topped up with vege oil. Works!)
1 tsp Vanilla
1 1/2 c sifted Flour
1 tsp Baking Powder
1/3 c Milk
1 1/2 c Fresh Blueberries

1 cup = 8 oz

Directions

Preheat oven to 350F.
Beat egg whites until stiff, add about 1/4 cup of sugar to keep them stiff.
Cream shortening, adding salt and vanilla.
Add remaining sugar to this gradually.
Add unbeaten egg yolks and beat until it is light and creamy.
Add the sifted dry ingredients alternately with milk.
Fold in beaten egg whites.
Fold in the blueberries (take a bit of the flour called for and gently shake the berries in it so they wont settle).
Pour into a greased 8 x 8 pan.
Sprinkle top of the batter with some granulated sugar.
Bake for 50 - 60 minutes.

Working with Rheumatoid Arthritis...know your Rights

...and your limitations.

After taking a couple of weeks off, I am now ready to go into my job search again. I have spent these few weeks reflecting on what went wrong, and what could be done better. It is very very sad but true- my RA had formed a big component of my work related problems. It is not all negative though. At times, I feel that I can understand and deal with issues better because of what I learned from RA, fibros etc.

However, it is undeniable, that my RA and fibro was a big set back in many ways, and may continue to be, unless I could overcome them.

1. My boss see me as "chained"- not able to find another job easily as I only wanted to work part-time because of my health.
2. I am seen as "unreliable", because of my RA flares. Although I only had 2 major flares, which would stop me from working even if I wanted, that was enough.
3. Work arrangements- some colleagues resent my "special treatment", and wanted the same "privileges" extended to them.

Unfortunately, I had not been familiar with the rules and regulation, and did not know what were within my rights. But so what even if I was?

Although there were disability protection acts etc, these are really unclear. What does "reasonable adjustments" mean? That was really entirely up to the employers to decide. The are plenty loopholes the laws are worth another entry!

I find the Employment section of NRAS very helpful and informative.

The problems that I (and many other RA patients!) faced at work is not something which I could resolve entirely on my own, despite bring out the whole lot of coping skills I have and getting full support from my family.

Communicating clearly about your condition with your colleagues and boss helps a lot (but may backfire sometimes). Making concessions (like getting low pay), and putting in extra hours to ensure quality work helps too (although you may see this as some sort of discrimination/exploitation!!).

However, improving the perception and understanding of other people about RA needs more than these individual efforts! It is all too easy for people to attribute your limitations to your lack of personal discipline rather than RA. How often have you heard " I am tired TOO", when you say you are fatigued? There is also an element of unpredictability and invisibility about RA's up and downs, which other could interpret as "inconsistent", and "lack of evidence". Ie, they may suspect that you are really waking up late when you say you have bad stiffness and need to come in 1-2 hours later.

Improving the work situation of patients with RA it is something that more formal protection in terms of regulations is needed. As RA patients, we need to create the awareness of these issues not only for our own benefit, but for all RA patients.

I not only want a job. I want to be able to work optimally, so that I can do my best! I want the chance to do what I can do based on my skills, education and experience. All I need is some minor modifications to get there. Can these be done?

Beautiful soul

I am beautiful... I believe...

The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them, but because he is a man of high and heroic temper.

-- Aristotle

.....for I can still feel happy, laugh, and hold my head high despite one blow after another. Not a fan of boxing/wrestling, but I understand that you are not lost no matter now many blows you received, as long as you can stand up again.

Here am I, looking forward to the daffodils when everyone is thinking "snow" and "cold". I could bet that there will be no snow today-my joints told me so.

New Year resolution

Everyone asked me if I have new year resolutions.

Nope!

Was it surprising? I gave up doing these years ago. You can make a resolution anytime, and not procrastinate till the new year.

New Year, new me.

This year, I have not failed to wish people to have a happy and HEALTHY new year.

I have been telling myself not to wonder what 2008 will bring to me, but what I can do to make 2008 the best it can be for me. 2007 had been a mixed year. In 2007, I had met with such unbelievable kindness, and also saw the worse in human kind.

2007 ended in significant way for me, especially career wise.

I made a lot of progress career wise. After a one year break from work to recuperate, I went back to work part-time, and subsequently did well enough to be taken in as a permanent staff. My work hours increased. I received external recognition for my work.

I lost my job After making all the arrangements to work efficiently and helping to take the company to where it is within a year- this is the treatment I received.

Suddenly, I lost trust in human kind. I lost confidence in myself. While I could predict and cope 95% of the time, a flare at the wrong time was an excuse to kill me. While no one bat an eye lid for people who take a few days "sick leave" for flu. But resting 3 days (on "annual leave"!) because of my RA was "proof" of my incapability. The B****told me that with a bit of management, even unpredictable things can be made predictable. It is all a personality problem. It is all about my inability to self-manage.

I remember vividly driving home crying. Crying out of frustration? Injustice? Shock? I did not know why. Perhaps the shock needed to released somewhere. I remember opening this blog when I reached home. I have not written anything for months-I had been so busy. I had again, took on extra work because the B****had a health problem and needed rest and that perhaps contributed to my flare.

Reading this blog was the moment I reached home was therapeutic. And I was somehow relieved that I have stopped working. There were just too many signs of unhappiness. I have hanged on too long just because part-time jobs for my position are hard to find.

Finding a job will be daunting. The B**** threatened bad references. Will I walk out of this mess?? I don’t know how long it will take, but I will have to. I have gone through worse times when I saw no light which signifies the end of the tunnel when my health was in the pits.

Numb

numb, numb.
That is how I feel?
No pain, no tears, no sleep, no smiles...
No wish, no hope.
Only silence, some resigned sighs..
Resigned to a thing called fate, or destiny?
Is this good enough?
Is it unacceptable?
Do I deserve something better?
Am I not worthy at all?
Do I live with it?
Can I walk out of it?
Am I hoping for too much?
Do I deserve something less...now?

Because the body is broken, so must the soul?
I have a "lesser " body,
SO must I have less of everything too?
Love, respect, dignity?

Numb...

Spring time energy crisis.

Life seems to be getting back to near "normality"-i.e. I could juggle a few things at a time. I have been very busy at work, revising for an exam and enjoying the spring time activities!

However, I go get tired very easily. I sleep in the car journeys when we go out. I slept & snored(!!!) at the end of my yoga classes, and tries hard to keep awake beyond 11pm. Last week, I had to go for a deep tissue massage to ease the points which have been slowly developing as my body is finding it taxing to handle so much. The RA flared, and the tender points developed so quickly that it became really a pain!

I have taken a few days of study leave, but have been sleeping a lot.

All these reminds me to slow down. Life is getting back quite normal, but my energy level is still playing catch up.

Fibro---> Bruises?

The cold had probably brought on my fibro. Now I have about 15 painful points, at least. My forearms are bruised, after I tried to massage myself. The bruising seems to be part of my fibro.

If I dun massage, I feel that my muscles are tight and tender. If I massage I look like a battered wife.

Conquering mountains?

It has always been my wish to conquer a mountain.

Last week I thought I could start small, by trekking a national park, and checking out a few waterfalls. Unfortunately, my hubby passed me his cold and i was so lethargic that the trip became a "driving holiday", with me sleeping in the car. I still have a long way from being fatigued to conquering mountains.

Being fibro means clumsiness is part of me. My life was at risk when I repeatedly slipped on my trek to the waterfalls, but I still persisted! I just wanted to do it! That was me, in the mind over matter mode.

Then perhaps the most primitive fight or flight instincts kicked in. I had the most beautiful and dramatic panic attack at the narrowest section of a cliff, and dramatically cling on to tree roots etc to crawl myself back to safely. My legs turned jelly.

trying to forget

Sometimes, I try to forget that I have RA, I have fibro. Sometimes, for a couple of days in a stretch, or even a week or two, I can "forget" about these things-when I am extremely busy, and barely have extra energy to think about my health, to get bothered about the stiff hands in the morning, the achy ankle, the wobbly knees. I try to live with these discomfort, without really wanting to "notice" them. And sometimes I succeed, in trying to forget.

Almost two weeks whizzed by without me noticing. I sometimes surprise myself about how short my memory is getting, esp when it is about my RA. Perhaps it is a coping mechanism? I block off memories of days in bed?

No, it has not been all quiet in the past two weeks. I had swapped a day at work, because my bones were achy all over, I was too weak to "get up and go" in the morning. My bones have been actively fore-casting the weather. A day or two before they announced the cold snap was coming, I was already in bed, aching and cursing. When the cold snap came, I always felt hot and found the heating required by my hubby to me too much! Will they employ me as the weather woman?

And just now, I almost drowned. OK, that is an exaggeration. I had many mouthfuls of water and someone got to give me a hand until I find my footing. It was really scary. Really, really scary.

In movies, you always see people shout when they drown or struggle in the water. In reality, I don't think people always do. I was gasping for air, trying to "jump" up by pushing my feet against the floor the moment I sink. I was fighting for air. That is they only thinh I had on my mind. AIR.

The reason for this misadventure? One tiny little finger. One small joint-5th proximal metacarpal. That was the only painful joint when I swam, and yet, was only when I was in the water that did I realised that he other hand which was alright was also weak. My legs were useless. I could not exert much strength.

How do I try to forget? Not sure. I think I don't have to try. I will forget soon. This is not the first time I almost drowned.

Best wishes for your incurable illness- an article from BMJ

I took the liberty of reproducing the content of an article from BMJ here, as I believe many fibromyalgia and chronic illness patients will fully agree with what Trisha Greenhalgh says. Trisha's articles always strike a chord with me, as I believe she is one academic out there who truly understands patients' views.

Best wishes for your incurable illness

by: Trisha Greenhalgh

"Get well soon" is a greeting from a bygone era, in which illness was generally acute and self limiting. These days, those of us on the shady side of 40 are as likely as not to have at least one disease that will not go away, and those over 65 have an average of three. A rising stack of policy documents seeking to address the needs of people who are never going to get better emphasises self efficacy, concordance, expert patienthood, peer support, and personal care plans, while professionals are taught to hang loose, applaud self management, and focus their efforts on the few who have advanced disease and rare complications.

The ill are no longer called "patients," since this term aligns with an outdated view of the sick role first proposed by Talcott Parsons, in which we took to our beds and exchanged our normal social duties for the attention of our relatives and the professional services of a physician. Society has moved on. The discourse is now all about accommodating the "ill" individual into a flexible and enabling society.

You know all this. It's been going on for a good 15 years. It is surprising, then, that it has taken until now for an entrepreneur to come up with a set of greeting cards called "Journeys" designed for people whose most optimistic prognosis is gradual but inexorable deterioration.

Have you got a friend who has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis? Why not send them a card with "Don't give up . . . you're not alone. Don't stop believing . . . so many people care. Don't ever forget how strong you really are . ." Or a colleague struggling with a parent with dementia who may like to hear: "Watching a parent change can be difficult. Where once stood a tower of strength, there is now a person who needs your care." Perhaps your friend would benefit from a bumper sticker saying "If you're handed it you can handle it" or the generic pick-me-up "Don't give up hope, and it won't give up on you."

Hallmark offer their new range of greeting cards as part of "the new normal." It is, of course, both an idea whose time had come and an innovative way of cashing in on human misery. But if it was OK in the 20th century to make money out of "get well soon," surely it's OK in the 21st to help people say, "Hang in there brother/sister."

The article was published in BMJ,
link: http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/334/7592/538-a

You can do it!

I have been doing really well at work, despite doing part-time and facing lots of issues from some idiots who exploit the fact that I work part time, and will call in sick time to time.

This has been a really good week for me, career wise. I get the kind of external recognitions for me work which I thought would take me many more years to achieve. It shows hard, honest work will eventually reap some rewards.

Internally, things can be still crappy, esp from a person or two. I do wonder whether the discrepancy between internal and external recognitions arise from prejudice or biasness from people who could see me unwell so often. I do ask myself, if I am well, will my some of my colleagues play down my achievements in such a cruel way?

But whatever it is, despite all these crap, I know I have done well. I take is as proof that we can still do what "normal" people do, and it is possible to get better. So, dont lose hope! Don't ever lose hope. Bring out all the guts you have to tell yourself that you will have a good, meaningful life, no matter what. Even when you are having so many tender points activated like me now:) I am stressed, but I know one day, i will be able to sing "My way". Yes, I will do it My Way, pains, fatigue or whatever crap. Remember the donkey?

Blogging to blot off stress

Laura(CFS Squared) had describe an email from e-how as a "divine intervention" her post about stress and CFS.

"Divine intervention"-I can fully understand her choice of words. My take about being a patient who face fatigue as an enemy is you get less energy than other "normal beings", but tiredness seems to be generating more stress for you!

Fatigue--> Events which generate stress---> More fatigue, less energy to deal with stress--> More events which generate stress---->....

It is a vicious cycle.

I think blogging help to blot off some stress,

As I commented in Laura's site, by blogging:

1) you have to crystallize your thoughts/emotions of the day, and try to put in down in words. A nice, calming self-reflection activity to calm frayed nerves.

2) You can read your old posts, and note down what stressed you, and what had helped. Often, kind souls will also pass by your blog to give you encouragements.

In addition,

3) When everyone is tired of listening about how tired you are, your blog does not complain at all.

4) I came home tired-physically, and tired of trying so hard to control my tears because of the crap i get at work. Yet when I turn on my laptop, read others' blogs and then try to put down my own entry, I have calmed down.

5) Sometimes, I also find myself rereading my post again and again (thanks to the fog-loads of errors!), to correct my spelling and grammatical mistake, and sometimes trying to "shape up" the plot. Of course, it was a night mare when my fogs first started and I had to read the horrible mistakes. Now, this process is almost therapeutic sometimes. Strange, isnt it? Probably it is all part of the coping process.

That is all I can manage today. I am totally tired.

I have a totally bad day.

At work, I have been picked on because I happened to do something better than a healthy young man, and this guy just could not accept, and gave me hell. He is one of those super ambitious type. I suppose "losing" to a sick woman who works part time is too much to his ego.

Sigh. Damn it if you do well, damn it if you don't when you a chronically ill. When I look at the situation, I am not sure I would like to "sympathize" the poor guy or myself. Who had it worse? A bright young man who saw everything as a competition and found himself "losing" to a sickie, or a sickie who gets the crap on after putting in every nanowatt of energy in her work.

I just have to remind myself that I have done well, and "normal" sensible people will be happy for me to do well. Or is it?

sick leave

Sick leaves make you unpopular.

Do we have to prove that? Despite the fact that I replace my all my "sick leave"-made possible by the fact that I only work part-time, I can sense the unhappiness in my boss's reaction. Sigh.. but what do you do when you come down with a flu or a strep throat like everyone else?

The other guys may just brave it all and stay in the office-productive or not, but for me... these are enough to make me lie on my bed, with my RA and fibro joining the party.

That is a depressing development. A few months into a new job, and I thought I am doing pretty well, and now I can see the fact that I take sick leave nearly every month (even though I replace them), people still find a way to talk. I am compared to the person with a visibly broken finger- with plaster and stuff to fix it, but what I have is invisible. The sheer fatigue and widespread aches brought on my something as common as a viral infection. The IBS joining the party etc etc. Here I am, being talked about. Sigh. Despite effectively having 0 sick leave because I always replaced them, that was still not good enough.

I just wish that I get better soon.

The treatable and the untreatable

Any long time illness could cause significant distress ...

difference?

Treatable vs untreatable

visible vs invisible

controllable vs relapsing and remitting

Fatigue attack.............

Have you ever had a "fatigue attack?"

I have been unwell the past few days. As yesterday was my day off, I went to the local bookstore with a large sofa to do some browsing. I thought sitting there was one of the most relaxing things to do, and keep me away from my computer-ie protecting the joints in my hands.

Usually, I could spend a day in libraries etc, as reading is probably what I love to do most.

But yesterday, 1-2 hours into reading something which I found hard to put down, I had to stop. I felt my hands could no longer hold the book open. My joints felt warm, and my whole body ached. I could feel my energy decreasing rapidly.

I quickly left the store, and tried to do the rest of my shopping quickly. A quick dash to the pharmacy, and the supermarket to get a few things I need. All the while, I felt my energy going down..........

I had called my hubby to pick me up, while I was doing my shopping to minimise my waiting time. I probably waited for him for about 10 minutes at the bus stop.

While waiting, after a minute or two, I found it difficult to stand, and so I leaned on something. In a few minutes, even leaning was no good, and so I had to force my bum to rest on the cold metal bum rests! My bums were frozen and the man at the bus stop looked at me like I was crazy to sit there, but I really did not have energy to stand! My legs were like jelly! By the time my hubby came and stopped the car 10 metres away from me, I struggled to get to the car. And then I struggled to walk up to my apartment.

Before I changed out of my clothes, I hit the bed, and feel asleep, until my hubby woke me up for dinner.

It still scares me now-the "energy crises" like these. Just glad that it is no longer a weekly or daily occurrence which drove me insane.

got to stop now cos my hands are getting really swollen. I have been naughty, I typed when I shouldnt.

IWWWIFBA=I will write when I feel better again.

IWWT-I will write tomorrow

IWWWIFBA=I will write when I feel better again.

Do you think these will be the "in" acronyms in cyber space?

How I wish to write these downs to reply my email etc etc, especially when I am in a midst of an attack. Yeap, my RA is back in town.

It did snow, and my bones did detect it.

So, now I am aching all over, feeling really tired, and my body feels warm at all places with joints.

That is rheumatoid arthritis. It comes back as soon as you wonder if it is leaving.


.........that is all I can manage today. IWWWIFBA.

Snow detector

My joints are snow detectors.

I know medical professionals will laugh at me- old wives tales, myths etc. But heck, it had been a hell of a sensitive detector. When the weather report says snow, and my bones are fine---> NO snow. When tehy did not report snow, and my bones said "snow", it SNOWED.

Do you think they will hire me? I could be their complementary forecaster. I just need to hang around and take note about how mu joints and bones behave.

everyone says SNOWMAN tomorrow, and yet my joints have not detected BIG snowman. Lets give it 8 more hours.

Catching up with life-movies

I have been feeling tired yesterday and today. No, it is a tired is a good way, if you know what I mean.

I have been watching videos for a few hours at a stretch!

You see, life was at a stand still when i was struggling with my thesis and fibro/RA in the past 2 years. I did not have the energy to even do my work and carry on with the basic things in life-like cooking, getting some groceries etc. Reading and watching films are energy sapping activities, no matter how much you love or enjoy it. You cant do it without knowing that after 2 hours on it, you will have no more energy to do other things. 2 hours of play, followed by many more hours of recharge.

I was like a battery which spent more time recharging than being available for play.

Books were not so bad, because you could read for an 10 minutes or an hour-sleep for 1/2 hour if you are tired and then continue. Movies dont work that way. If you go into a cinema and feel sleepy after 30 minutes, you wasted a trip and come out feeling like you have fallen into a ditch. Even with DVDs or VCDs, having to pause 1/2 way to sleep means you can only watch it alone, and even if you do, you will not enjoy it.

That is how I accumulated so many things on my "wish list"-things to read and to watch.

Today, I am tired again, after that many hours of watching videos. :D

This much energy........

I only have <-this-> much energy.

Abide says she is the queen of denial.
So am I.

Sometimes I refuse to admit that I am sick. That managing 3 full hectic days of work a week is a miracle. Completing my PhD is a miracle. What more should I ask. I should stop all these denials, and perhaps admit that I am sick. Defeated.

But it is difficult to do less, when statistically you know you will probably live shorter number of years than most people. The respected journal, Rheumatology has a debate on What kills RA patients? in its editorial.

I have long known that normal life expectancy numbers don't hold true for me. If life gotta be short, why not let it be a burst of brilliant firework?

But fatigue brings me down to earth again. If I overspend, I will pay for it, with interests. True for credit cards. True for energy for a fibromite cum RA patient like me.

I dont care about debates of "cure" for RA. My question is, "is there a cure for fatigue"??