This much energy........

I only have <-this-> much energy.

Abide says she is the queen of denial.
So am I.

Sometimes I refuse to admit that I am sick. That managing 3 full hectic days of work a week is a miracle. Completing my PhD is a miracle. What more should I ask. I should stop all these denials, and perhaps admit that I am sick. Defeated.

But it is difficult to do less, when statistically you know you will probably live shorter number of years than most people. The respected journal, Rheumatology has a debate on What kills RA patients? in its editorial.

I have long known that normal life expectancy numbers don't hold true for me. If life gotta be short, why not let it be a burst of brilliant firework?

But fatigue brings me down to earth again. If I overspend, I will pay for it, with interests. True for credit cards. True for energy for a fibromite cum RA patient like me.

I dont care about debates of "cure" for RA. My question is, "is there a cure for fatigue"??