Monday, January 01, 2007

New year.. new beginning.

It has been more than 1/2 years since I was "suspected" to have fibromyalgia.
When I reflect back, life had been a roller coaster since then.

I lost my job, I almost gave up my PhD studies, I struggled being "unemployed" (financially and psychologically) and went through days where I had no recollection of what I did; almost knocked down by cars and lost my coherence-both speech and writing. The fibrofogs almost drove me insane. There is no way I could ever relate my frustration to others, and make them understand the kind of agony I had. For the first time in my life, I feared. I really really feared. I had never had so much fear for myself-not when I had to go through a risky operation for my slip disc where one wrong cut would send me to a life on the wheel chair. No, that did not worry me much. I always thought as long as I have my mind, I can overcome anything in this world, a wheel chair prospect was not that bad at all.

But fibro was scary. Really really scary. Of all the "conditions" which I had in this brief live, fibro is the scariest, although my slip disc was the most painful thing I had. Fibro fogs threatened my identity, more so than those missing periods and hairs due to PCOS or a bulging waist line which is the permanent joke among my "medical professional" friends.

I vow to appreciate the best thing my parents had given me-my mental faculty, my MIND. It is this tough, resilient mind which had pulled me through countless things. And to say fibromyalgia is all in the mind? That is just what some weaklings would accuse us. I am sure those weaklings would have crumbled and crushed by the burden of fogginess and chronic pain and fatigue that fibromites experience. It has a lot to do with my mind though, as it threaten to chip it away, and I got to depend on my brains to waddle through this condition where you get little help (or sympathy) from others!

I seem to be out of the deepest, darkest hole now. I now have a part time job, completed my thesis. 2006 had been good to me. I just hope that 2007 will be as good, if not better.

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