Friday, April 28, 2006

Depression is nearer.... I know

I know depression is creeping in now. Last night I cried while bathing. Tears just welled up. All it took to trigger it was my husband visited a university which my sister was accepted into. It is a very prestigious university, and I always felt responsible for it, for her to end up this way, stuck in a course that she did not enjoy in a mediocre university. Her grades in her year one pulled her averages down badly, and she had not managed to catch up since. I could not imagine that she would be graduating with this kind of grades. After all, she was a top student then. Her peers go to the best universities in the world. She only ended up where she was, because I failed to support her. Without my financial backing, she was stuck.

I was also probably affected by the fact that I could not fit into a size 14 jeans easily. My weigh creep up, despite my efforts to lose them. So last night, I just sat there. I wanted to fish out my lap top and start blogging, but I could not. At the end, I just took my most despised medication- the amitryptiline. I was totally knocked out. I woke up at 1.00 pm this morning. I was groggy for more than half day. My mouth stank to high heavens.

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