Fibro-fog is the second most crippling aspect in my illness. The champion crippler is of course...fatigue!!
Fibro fog is the most "invisible" aspect in the "illness" I have. No one can see and notice it, let alone understand it. It is the thing that force me to retreat into a very lonely world.
Before fibromyalgia, I had been known as careless or forgetful in my daily life, due to my happy go lucky nature. I did not pay attention to small things, and can't be bothered to double-check things. However, my attitude towards work had always been different - the playful side of me gets really serious. Anyway, as a whole, my attitude to life is the cup was always half-full, and a pitcher was coming to top it up.
I guess my carelessness history adds to my pain now. My husband still can't comprehend what is a fog vs plain carelessness. Maybe, he just tries to avoid facing the facts. This strains our relationship, and pushed me over the brink to depression sometimes.
Other than straining my relationship, it is also taking away my identity: who I am. Just a couple of months ago, a friend told me he is keen to meet my husband- the man who married the smartest girl in class. I laughed! And I almost cried!
I have been academically inclined all my life. Ask any of my friends to describe me, and you can't escape from something related to "smart" or "intelligent".
But look at me now!!!
I can't even copy out my bank account number correctly onto the back of a "quick cheque deposit" envelope within 2 attempts.
I often lose my way when I am in an unfamiliar area, even if I had been there before. This was not something that could have happened. I had a very good sense of direction since I was a kid. I would not even lose my way in a big foreign city, and yet yesterday, I was lost on the way to work. I almost broke down on the streets!
How distressing is this? You imagine. You just imagine.
Fibro-fog is my the biggest enemy. I am not too sure if I will ever lose this fibro-fog thing, but I know I have to cope with it. I have to devise ways to cope with this invisible enemy. I hope to make this fog thingy just another "inconvenience" of life, akin to hailstorms and foggy misty mornings.
This would only be possible if I could recognise the warning signs of a heavy fog day coming on (yeah, developing my own "weather forecasts" system), and having effective ways to deal with it.
Fog sucks. But after all it is just a fog!!!